|Monday, September 5th, 2005|
1:52 am - When tears won't suffice...
by Edgar Allan Poe.
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then - in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life - was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view--
My resilience is failing. My link to sanity is breaking. I now can't tell the difference between paranoia and reality. I can't tell if I'm being over-analytical or just plain stupid.
Myabe I'm sick in the head.
Maybe I'm cursed.
Maybe I just need a hug and words of comfort.
Maybe I just need to die.
As J.M. Barrie had said,
"To die would be a great adventure."
When living has exhausted you to the point of waking comatose, that would indeed be true.
Is there anyone out there who can help me?
current mood: sick sick sick
|Friday, September 2nd, 2005|
8:20 am - Apple and Eve...
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the|
top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good
ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground
that aren't as good, but easy......
The apples at the top think something is wrong with them,
when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait
for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough
to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Share this with other women who are good apples, even those
who already been picked .
NOW MEN... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes,
and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they
turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
...Just goes to show that our dark lord is one lazy SON OF A BITCH, while SOMEONE needs to beat the SHIT outta him.
Oh yeah... rated r for language. harhar.
|Wednesday, July 27th, 2005|
4:40 pm - Honestly, Harry...
| You scored as Hermione Granger. You're one intelligent witch, but you have a hard time believing it and require constant reassurance. You are a very supportive friend who would do anything and everything to help her friends out.|
Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
created with QuizFarm.com
current mood: pensive
|Tuesday, July 26th, 2005|
9:55 am - The other me, the open me...
Friends, I introduce you to my other blog, the public blog, the blog which I will indiscriminately allow anyone to read... yes, including the quote unquote man of my dreams (Arg).|
Follow, follow, follow the linkie:
Which also expounds on my adventures of my meeting with the legendary Neil Gaiman.
AN IMPORTANT NOTE
DO NOT by ALL means link your blogs to my other blog (and that means you, high school buddies. harhar). Linking to my other blog means linking to your blogs which links to this blog. And you of all people know that the hells I've unleashed in here are not meant for mortal eyes (and boylet's eyes, for that matter (which, with much emphasis, is the foremost reason for the implementation of said order).
For short, do not add my other blog to your Friends List, because upon the sight of your LJ names on that list, I shall immediately delete. Not that I don't like you, of course. I need to save my skin, you know.
Of course, this also makes good blackmail material. But now I'm telling you that I know that this makes good blackmail material. So be forewarned. *menacing lafter*
But for integration reasons, I shall update my other blog probably more often than this one. But that does not mean that deep, dark secrets will not be kept anymore in this sanctuary. *menacing mewzic*
So now I'm telling you. If you wanna read my other blog, just follow the link I have posted on the upper-left side of the main page.
Have a nice day. ;)
current mood: imposing
|Saturday, July 16th, 2005|
10:57 am - Utter Randomness, part 2
It's almost Saturday noon, I'm at work in a near-empty office. There are only about three of us working in three separate rooms at the frontal part of the office basement. A glass door sunders us from the library itself, containing about less than 10 people. |
Which brings me into my usual meanderings....
-Working on Saturdays are quiet but awfully, strangely fun
-Still on Gaiman high (as others have claimed, "The best drug I've taken." :P)
-Still working on my blog which I will finally share to the world (Roni included... @.@)
-Harry Potter Book 6 is out... never thought I'd be excited for Harry Potter ever since the first time I've read it... (not really an HP fan, but HP fans are infectious)
-I've already told my officemates whom I'm close with about Roni. Now they're helping me plan and scheme and dream. Haha. Haha. Mwahahaha.... (aka "o yan Chiqui, may deadline ka ha! Dapat before September...")
-I'm Almost Broke (tm)
Books I've bought for the past two weeks:
1.) "Preludes and Nocturnes" by Neil Gaiman - Php998 (signed!!!!!!!!!!!! ^________________________^ w/ dedication)
2.) "The Doll's House" by Neil Gaiman - Php998 (also signed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU NEIL!!!!!! ^_____^)
3.) "Mirrormask" by Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean (illust) - Php1739 (Hardcover)
4.) "Sandman: Dream Hunters" by Neil Gaiman and Yoshitaka Amano (Illust)- Php1260 (Hardcover)
5.) "Cosa Nostra: History of the Sicilian Mafia" by John Dickie - Php1228 (Hardcover)
6.) "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince" - Php1500 (Hardcover)(di ako nagpareserve eh :( )
(P.S. I am now realizing the beauty of hardcover books despite their killer prices. :o )
With a grand total of: Php7515
-Ok, change that to Broke. (tm) Poor na ako. Wala nang libre libre ha! :P
-Oo nga pala, I also bought (not books ah):
7.) An ankh from Silverworks - Php349
8) A black goth-style skirt from Y.R.Y.S. - Php699
-For every up, there is a down. For every good thing, a not-so-good thing. I've met Neil Gaiman, been hugged and kissed by one the most talented writers of our time, and had my books signed by him, and an invitation, with dedications. The price: allergic reactions from antibiotics, cough and colds. For every wonderful thing happening in your life, there will always be a kapalit. :o OUCH.
-Roni beso-beso-ed me pala. Big fuzzy deal; he does that to ten other of my friends. Yup, friends. A friendly kiss. It's not even a kiss; it was a cheek-to-cheek thing. :P (pero I swear, I think medyo nainggit siya when I mentioned that Neil Gaiman kissed me on the cheek without me asking for one. Siempre I was too shy... but I got a kiss anyway.... I thought I was never gonna wash off that cheek! :P)
-Ahem, back to work... -.-;;;
current mood: mixed emotions
|Sunday, July 10th, 2005|
2:31 pm - "shellshocked..."
So that means when I arrived home at 1:00am, Neil Gaiman was still signing in the Rockwell Tent!!!! Such dedication and sacrifice for his fans!!!!! Hail Neil!!! *sniff*
Don't know what I'm talking about?
More (and a LOT) of details soon. ;)
In the meantime...
The results fit me. *cackle*
But what's this? What's that link below it? Dang it.
current mood: apalled
|Thursday, June 30th, 2005|
8:37 am - Tyger! Tyger! burning bright...
You are William Blake! Wow. I'm impressed. Not
only are you a self-made artist and poet, but
you've suddenly become a very trendy guy to
like. It's not that we doubt that you have all
your marbles, it's just that we're not quite
sure what you did with them to come up with
those terrifying theological visions. The
people of your time were nowhere near as
forgiving as that, and all your neighbors
thought you were a grade-A nut job. But we
love you, so rest happy.
Which Major Romantic Poet Would You Be (if You Were a Major Romantic Poet)?
brought to you by Quizilla
*a term loosely applied to literary and artistic movements of the late 18th and 19th century.
*The basic aims of romanticism were various: a return to nature and to belief in the goodness of humanity; the rediscovery of the artist as a supremely individual creator; the development of nationalistic pride; and the exaltation of the senses and emotions over reason and intellect. In addition, romanticism was a philosophical revolt against rationalism.
italics mine. hehe.
current mood: wanna go home...
|Tuesday, June 21st, 2005|
9:53 am - Celebrating the Seasons
Summer Solstice |
Summer Solstice, sometimes known as Midsummer, Litha, or St. John's Day, occurs in the middle of June. It is a celebration of the longest day of the year and the beginning of Summer. It has been a grand tribal gathering time since ancient times. The Goddess manifests as Mother Earth and the God as the Sun King. Colors are Yellow, Green, and Blue. It is a festival of community sharing and planetary service.
Celebrate Solstice time with other Pagans -- take part in the Pagan Spirit Gathering or some other Pagan festival happening during June. Keep a Sacred Fire burning throughout the gathering. Stay up all night on Solstice Eve and welcome the rising Sun at dawn. Make a pledge to Mother Earth of something that you will do to improve the environment and then begin carrying it out. Have a magical gift exchange with friends. Burn your Yule wreath in a Summer Solstice bonfire. Exchange songs, chants, and stories with others in person or through the mail. Do ecstatic dancing to drums around a blazing bonfire.
9:16 am - Utter Randomness
i. It's the first day of my delayed period and I'm listenting to warm, poetic music. I'm slightly in pain and it'll worsen as the day passes and I'm as lethargic as a corpse (if corpses could be lethargic). My mind's too lazy for concentration, much less catharsis, and it pissed me off (though it doesn't show... I'm really good at hiding inner turmoil without trying) that this morning at the pantry table with a couple of my officemates, I wasn't able to even at least mumble anything that indicated that I was part of the conversation. They were being insightful and stuff, and were looking at me from time to time, expecting me to relay comments or thoughts and whatever, only to expect sleepy-eyed smiles from me. Some days start too slow for the good of my soul.|
ii. Cardinal Sin just passed away. He was one of those people who had actually tried in uniting the nation. Now he's gone. Doom had always been at our doorstep.
iii. Life is mellow now. The grass is no greener, but at least, as an officemate remarked, though being not in love or not having a crush is boring, at least you can appreciate the little speckles of cuteness that dot the landscape every now and then. No guilt and no obligation. It's been awfully quiet lately. There is me in almost-love, me who is bitter, and the old me, the reticent me, the me who stares into oblivion.
iv. My ways of improvisation make me larf. There was one time when I forgot to break the seal of my tube of toothpaste and was already in the office restroom, and I was too lazy to walk halfway the building to go down a floor and grab something sharp to poke through the seal. So, my neurons did a twitch: I grabbed my earring and used the pointy end to run the tube seal through. And I thought to myself: There's still hope for me yet; I can be a fine spy/assassin/whatever-secret-and-dangerous-profession-that-requires-quick-thinking-without-the-big-gadgets someday.
v. Paos ako. La lang. I lack sleep. But if I sleep earlier than midnight, that'd be too early naman for me.
vi. People, in case you didn't know, Eugene (yes, our Eugene, whom we all love and miss but is still ALIVE) seems to be checking her friendster regularly again, as in at least once-a-week regularly. I sent her a couple of messages but she hasn't replied. Fine, girl. Once I have undergone enough spy/assassin/whatever-secret-and-dangerous-profession-that-requires-quick-thinking-without-the-big-gadgets training, I'll find you. Mwahahahaha. Eh kasi eh, kaw kasi..... palayas layas... pwede naman kami i-approach. We can always be sworn to silence!!!
vii. Is it just me, but is every intelligent young woman I know who's single experienceing nearly the exact same situation I am in now? o.O
viii. I've been a gimmickera lately. I don't mind, per se. I like it. A lot. As long as there's no heavy drinking on my part involved, and no rowdy lustful boys and/or strippers (unless it's a gay bar... mwehe, hehe, he.), I'm fine. As long as it's with the girls, it's fine. My mom will mind, my dad a little, but if you'd ask me, going home at 4am after a gimmick is fine. It's about time I tried something different with my sanity still intact. All these don't mean I wanna get wasted, you know. :P I just wanna have fun. So girls, nagpaparinig lang po. Hahahaha.
current mood: blah
|Wednesday, June 8th, 2005|
11:29 am - but then again, patience my foot
Patience is when you sit tight in hopes that something good will happen. Or at least, something. But usually, it's something you wish would happen. A light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.|
But this is a f*cked up life. That's a given. Patience is useless sacrifice.
Therefore, I dedicate to myself this song.
Then again, I would so LOVE to dedicate that song to Fate.
Screw everything. One day, you will all pay.
current mood: vengeful
|Tuesday, June 7th, 2005|
10:07 am - Patience, my young padawan...
why am I walking barefoot/upon this raod with no one around
I close my eyes to this decision/the night's like coffee to my tongue
like waking up without a sound/I map the words out/maybe you
will say them/would you help me rise up
touch my face and watch me try to breathe again
would you let me do this/burn down the final wall
overcome me baby
all I'm asking is to be alive for once
always I am mistaken/I look for love, I find a stone
of all the seasons winter befriends me/I come to you in
friendship/and hold my breath against the snow/what
are you thinking as I gaze into you/forgive me the
confusion/forgive me as I realize my thoughts
betrayed/you are the answer/cry and smile the same
Music and lyrics by Vienna Teng
All of a sudden, life comes to a standstill. Everything is dichotomized: black and white, up and down, here and there. Never in between.
Should I move on; should I fight for it?
How do I know? When? Why?
...these are the scars that silence carved on me...
A friend of mine told me that there are two types of people: the players, and the non-players. The epitome of a player is someone who's not afraid of anyone, anything, and he oozes confidence with the opposite sex. First he's sweet, and then he just disappears, gone, is he coming back? Player. (and yet, yet, he seems so afraid...)
A non-player is one who believes in true love, marriage before sex, and is monogamous both physically and emotionally That friend told me that I was steadfast, intelligent, one who would most likely fall in love with one person at a time. Non-player.
But then, the motto of a player is: "There are rules! Players only play with other players. It's a bad player who plays with a non-player."
Personally, I think that's a lame excuse. Does that imply that a player is too frightened, too lazy to reform? A player experiments on everything and yet they are reluctant to try the ultimate experiment: to experiment on the things that have led them to believe that they were better off experimenting: to experiment on tradition. Convention. The boring, Christian one.
I don't know if I should laugh, or feel sorry for them. It's never too early. They have brought the definition upon themselves. And why do I scorn? There is no justice in this world.
...always I am mistaken/I look for love, I find a stone...
current mood: confused
|Tuesday, May 31st, 2005|
8:45 am - Knock yerselves out
Welp, here's a compilation of links of albums of TPTS members who endlessly took piccies at the Con. But note that you have to register at Imagestation to be able to view the pics. hrhr.|
Oneal's album, day 1
Oneal's album, day 2
And piccies from RoME (Revenge of Mos Eisley... yup, that's the Friday night post-con bash):
All right, to spare yourself some browsing time, I'll just post a couple of pics of me in costume:
Costume: Day 1
Costume: Day 2
current mood: chipper
|Wednesday, May 25th, 2005|
8:51 am - May the Force be with you...
It's early, just got to work after a 2-day leave for the New Worlds 3rd Phil. Sci-Fi and Fantasy Convention, and I'm oh-so-tired from the thrill and fun and the present workload I have coz of the "days-off." |
And there's so much to say that I'm quite too lazy to type in everything right now. Perhaps when I have piccies to share. Woohoo. :P
May 22, Sunday, the night before the con:
Watched Episode III. MUST watch it before the Con because I know there will not be a conversation wherein the film will be not mentioned. Must know film-related answers when asked about it. Must not be out-of-pkace. Must give at least an acceptable critique. Must know the role of Queen Apailana (which so happens to be a frikkin' 5-sec cameo for crying in the mud) so as to act the part for the cosplay. @.@ Had to sacrifice time helping the TPTS members in the convention ingress that night to set up the booth and share the pre-con jitters to watch the movie AND finish the costume. Oh dear. I'm bad, I know. Wah.
May 23, Day 1 of con:
So little TPTS members. :( LOVERLY BOOTH!!! I was shocked and immensely pleased. All our months' worth of work delivering such bee-yoo-tee-ful results!! A nice, homey, hobbit hole!!! With little hobbit things! With a fireplace and "fire" (but boy, what a good fire it was!! We almost expected someone to come by and inquire, "is that fire for sale?" :D)! With nifty action figures and Tolkien things!! A LOVERLY booth!! *sniff tear*
Got to cosplay Queen Apailana of Naboo, just in time!! I could NOT move in that costume... in that hot and heavy headdress!!! And that dilemma was disguised by the fact that I am queen, and must be not so flinchy, and should be regal and all that... and besides, the people taking photos were keeping me on one spot. :P The camera flashes!! Oi!! I must have looked so
gay fabulous!!! o.O
Roni arrived late and left early. Duration of the time I got to talk to him? 4.3 secs. Duration of time I got to see him? 10 secs. Ain't that lovely? @.@
Won 3rd place in the cosplay contest. Lost to Slave girl Leia. Skimpy outfit. Raging hormones of male audience. Whilst I was so balot na balot. You get the picture.
More detailed kwento soon, with pics na. haha.
May 24, Day 2 of con:
I was a little free-spitited now since I'll be cosplaying an elf again... ah, home sweet home, LOTR is. And boy was our LOVERLY booth in the hawt seat!!! @.@ Children!! Come touch the fireplace fire!! Woohoo!!
Roni was already there when I arrived. He congratulated me for winning yesterday's cosplay contest. With matching gripping of my hands. He has a warm, firm grip. Waha. But then, he had to leave early again. He had to catch some Z's after working nightshift. o.O Oh well. At least the duration of time I got to speak to and see him was longer. And with more (inter)action. Blink.
Joined The Philippine Order of Narnians. Another group!! Yay!! In time for next year's movie. I wuv Narnia too. ;)
Cosplayed as last year's elven Luthien. Didn't draw much crowd unlike my "Queen Appy" costume, but at least I can breath again!!! And move again!!! They were really fascinated with my ears, though. They kept on poking em. (Panalo remark: "Ay!!! Malambot siya!!!" @.@)
This day was also my parents' Wedding Anniversary. Awww. :)
Again, more kwento and pics next time. :D
Work. Post-con exhaustion. Wah. Blah. Hah.
current mood: ah well...
|Monday, May 16th, 2005|
10:46 am - Me too me too!!!
| You scored as Faerie. Faerie: Aren't you a cute little flying person? Faeries are earth spirits. They live among each element completely hidden. They have cousins called Pixies. Pixies however, are very mischevious. They enjoy tormenting other creatures for fun. Little pranksters.. I hope you never meet one. Pixies have a bad reputation for finding a creature and clinging to them until death. Faeries can be somewhat close to a Pixie, but mostly they are loving, playful, and carry with them a child-like enthusiasm for life. Hide among the pedals of a Daisy, you are a Faerie.|
What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!)
created with QuizFarm.com
CHIARA!!! I did NOT copy yout answers, I swear!!!! @.@
Hehehe, I was this close in being categorzed as "mermaid..." I wuv sparkly shiny things... and comb my hair whilst I sing... (with hopes of alluring ahemyouknowwho with my enchanting, bewitching voice...)
But Yea, I am Faerie. Always and forever. ~.^
current mood: curious
|Tuesday, May 10th, 2005|
12:58 pm - small things...
I read a blog. And this sentence caught me.|
Someday, I want someone to love me enough to turn my name into his battlecry.
She was inspired to write this statement after watching Vanilla Sky. I never thought that Hollywood romance movies can mould something as strangely enticing and sublime a thought such as that.
For many, love is as normal as eating and breathing. Love comes to them as rain comes in June.
For me, love is a miracle. I need to reform and bleed and even die for it. I come to it, it threatens to run away.
My grasp of it is like my grasp for advance mathematics.
Someday, I want someone to love me enough to turn my name into his battlecry.
When he cries your name over and over, it's obsession. When he cries your name for courage, you have touched a life. And that's all that matters.
current mood: melancholy
|Monday, May 9th, 2005|
11:47 am - Hooray For Pessimism
I got this through e-mail today; now it is up for appraisal. Mwa.ha.ha. (And I'm sure Chiara will agree as well. :D)|
15 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR MOM, YOUR DAUGHTERS OR GRANDDAUGHTERS, NIECES, AUNTS, GIRLFRIENDS, ETC.
1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.
If misogyny means "the hatred of women," what is its equivalent for "the hatred of men?" I encounter the word misandry, but I think its true meaning had been candied up by pop culture and now means, "men are stupid." :P
Why am I putting this up?
Because I am amused of what I have read (see above). Because the Ice Queen is once again taking over.
Bceause I believe that the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return (Truth. Beauty. Freedom. Love. Moulin Rouge.)
Well, what's taking so long? Is it happening? Is it not?
When she embraces
Your heart turns to stone
She comes at night when you are all alone
And when she whispers
Your blood shall run cold
You better hide before she finds you
-From "Ice Queen," Within Temptation
Death Toll of kittens: 10
Sometimes I pray that I be taken instead of them. The world would rather have a kitten frolicking under the sun than a soul bitten by misery.
current mood: cynical
|Saturday, May 7th, 2005|
9:30 am - Nakakabaliw na.......
I now have to work for two Saturdays to make up for the leaves I would take to attend the convention. At first, I wanted to take the leaves because of such devotion, and generally because I think it would be fun... And then life produces this to-do list. Now my excitement is smothered, I'm weary, I'm trying to count the good days, damn the bad days, I stare into oblivion for minutes on end........ (huh?)|
To do list:
-finish costume (kimono, headdress, and find those blasted tear-beads!!!!)
-find a way to create a realistic-looking pair of elf ears
-have to finish the fanfiction introduction for TPTS' official literary folio
-I have to lose at most 10 pounds before the con (THIS seems to be the hardest. Gawd I hate my body, I hate my height....)
-have to plan for the General Staff Meeting at work
And I have just about a couple of weeks to fulfill them all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
current mood: distressed
|Wednesday, May 4th, 2005|
2:43 pm - meowrehaaa!!!!!!!!
| You scored as Ninja Cat. Be at ease, grasshopper. Put away the horribly dubbed movies and katanas for a while. While physical fitness is a good thing, nobody likes to be told over and over and over and over what martial arts you have mastered. Get a life.|
Pissed at the World Cat
Love Machine Cat
Couch Potato Cat
Which Absurd Cat are you?
created with QuizFarm.com
A bunch of near-nonsense questions categorized me into this??
Haru!!!! Lookit!!!!! :D
current mood: amused
|Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005|
8:20 am - the happy 'n gay costume
Due to popular demand (and a godsforsaken broken link... are you sure you guys couldn't open the page? o.O) I'm posting the photo of the costume I was talking about:|
(Warning: BIG file, BIG pic... ohohoho this is embarrassing...)
O yan, pagtripan niyo na.
Or better yet, help me with the headdress!! o.O
current mood: groggy
|Friday, April 29th, 2005|
8:46 am - huzzers
Oh me, oh my, no work on Monday!!!|